VIEW FROM AMERICA: Alternative facts for the first 100 days

By Mark Scheinbaum

MIAMI (Jan. 28, 2017)—The first few days in the 100 day  start of the Trump Administration has thrilled some folks and chilled some folks. But in the age in which citizens often discount and distrust conventional news sources, why not wonder aloud about some “alternative facts” which could evolve in the early days of this presidency? :

A COLONY OF BRITAIN—UK Prime Minister May goes back to London and reveals that a novel solution to trade issues with the USA has been reached.

Since President Trump dislikes “multilateral” treaties, and bi-lateral treaties take time, effective immediately The United States of America is granted admission to the British Commonwealth.

Although seen as a fading  ember of neo-colonialism, the Commonwealth  opens seamless cultural, educational, work permit and favored trade status with all member nations.

Faced with a loss of sovereignty charge and a lack of respect for the sacrifices of the Revolutionary War, President Trump tweets, “Deal is OK with me. We were never a British colony. We were just ‘an independent state in formation.’”

WORKERS WANTED, BUILD THAT WALL!—A lack of a higher federal minimum wage means no one wants to work on the wall.
Thus,  the “guest worker program” which allows Chilean ski instructors in Colorado in winter, and Colombian maids at Mar-a-Lago in summer, is expanded for Mexican wall workers.

Most of the workers are from Mexico. A new 18 per cent surcharge or U.S. Western Union and other remittances to Mexico, produces funds of offset U.S. Treasury funds escrowed for the Wall Budget.

Florida Sen. Marco Rubio announces this plan is basically anti-Hispanic and targeting poor workers and declares he is becoming a Democrat.

SOYLENT CARE—The new health care law, part of the new Disability Income Entitlement (DIE), allows those over age 80, or diagnosed with terminal diseases, or those who need more than two weeks to recover from surgery, to  receive a $50,000 tax credit for themselves or their estates (worth less than $5.6 million) and a charitable way of feeding others. Patients can go to any VA Hospital or Public Health Service office and turn themselves into powdered energy drinks with high nutritional value.

In Flint, Michigan donors will also be provided with free bottled water to rehydrate the powder.

And finally…

FREE TUITION FOR ALL—Students with a GED or equivalent and  over age 18 will receive a federal grant for a free two or four year education in the “areas of prime national need” declared by the President and his new Education Secretary.

Thus, free degrees or certificates can be earned in: cosmetology, electrolysis, massage therapy, dental hygiene, Botox application, and hair styling.

MARK SCHEINBAUM, former UPI newsman is managing director of Shearson Financial Services LLC and his opinions are his own.